SMILE
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It's time again for the annual Stella Awards! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who spilled hot coffee on herself, and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right, these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stella's for the past year:
7th Place
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
6th Place
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California, won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher!
5th Place
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count them, EIGHT days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this k! ind of a nguish. Keep scratching. There are more.
4th Place
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence in to the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Grrrrr, Scratch, scratch!!
3rd Place
A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor, Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch!!
Hang in there! There are only two more Stella's to go!!
2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a nightclub in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two20front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies' room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the nightclub had to pay her $12,000, oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.
Go figure!
1st Place (May we have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos, please.)
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motorhome. On her first trip home, from a football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the free way, crashed and overturned. Also not ! surprisi ngly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Are we, as a society, getting more stupid? Or is it just the juries that the lawyers select? 
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1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents.
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now
She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen
a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.'
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued
writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please
tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready
for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.'
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's
Adam's underwear!'
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The Man of the House
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of love making that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied," The funeral director would be my first guess."
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Collard Greens
An old black man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his yearly
collard green garden, but it was always very hard work for him because the
ground was hard.
His only son, Junebug Jenkins, III, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Junebug Jenkins, III,
I am feeling pretty bad because it look like I won't be
able to plant my collard green garden this year. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my
troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Daddy Jenkins,
Whatever you do, don't dig up that garden. That's where I
buried the BODIES.
Love, Junebug Jenkins, III
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized
to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Daddy Jenkins,
You can go ahead and plant the collard greens now. That's
the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Junebug Jenkins, III
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Share Your Smile With Us Today
Send us something to smile about ...
A tour bus driver is driving with
a bus load of seniors down a highway
when he is tapped on his shoulder
by a little old lady
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
by a little old lady
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him
After about 15 minutes, she taps him
on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about
She repeats this gesture about
five more times.
When she is about to hand him
When she is about to hand him
another batch again he asks the
little old lady, 'Why don't you
eat the peanuts yourself? '.
'We can't chew them because we've
'We can't chew them because we've
no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why
do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love
The old lady replied, 'We just love
the chocolate around them.'
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker, 'What is it like
to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts
off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light
inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
Submitted by Patty Thompson
A woman was asked by a coworker, 'What is it like
to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts
off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light
inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
Submitted by Patty Thompson
FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE
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THE TRICK IS TO FIND THE MAN AMONG THE COFFEE BEANS:
This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious. Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think, Why didn't I see him immediately? |
Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the
coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is
better developed than most people.
coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is
better developed than most people.
If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute,
the right half of the brain is developed normally.
the right half of the brain is developed normally.
If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes,
then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly
and you need to eat more protein.
then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly
and you need to eat more protein.
?
If you have not found the man after 3 minutes,
the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to
make that part of the brain stronger!!!
the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to
make that part of the brain stronger!!!
And, yes, the man is really there!!!
If you want to give up scroll down...
^
Look along the bottom starting from the left and scan right. See him?
this is addicting! :)
Subject: REACTION TEST....
The automobile driving manual says the average
driver's reaction time is: .75 seconds....... or
1 car length for every 10 mph......
Test your average reaction time.
Be very careful! This can be addicting.
Click on the link below and good luck.
click on ----- Reaction Test
submitted by Michael Parker
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Check your Driver's License
I definitely removed mine..
I suggest you all do the same.
Now you can see anyone's
Driver's License on the Internet,
including your own! I just searched
for mine and there it was...picture and all!
Go to the web site, and check it out.
It's unbelievable!
Just enter your name, city and state
to see if yours is on file.
After your license comes on the screen,
click the box marked 'Please Remove.'
This will remove it from public viewing,
but not from law enforcement.
Please notify all your friends so they
can protect themselves, too.
Believe me they will thank you for it.
I definitely removed mine..
I suggest you all do the same.
Now you can see anyone's
Driver's License on the Internet,
including your own! I just searched
for mine and there it was...picture and all!
Go to the web site, and check it out.
It's unbelievable!
Just enter your name, city and state
to see if yours is on file.
After your license comes on the screen,
click the box marked 'Please Remove.'
This will remove it from public viewing,
but not from law enforcement.
Please notify all your friends so they
can protect themselves, too.
Believe me they will thank you for it.
IF YOU CAN'T ENTER YOUR NAME ,
TRY CLICKING ON THE JOHN DOE.
http://www.License.shorturl.com/ Submitted by Laura Smith
TRY CLICKING ON THE JOHN DOE.
http://www.License.shorturl.com/ Submitted by Laura Smith